It’s easy to lose your authentic self when you’re in love. Suddenly, your life revolves around one person. Especially during the early stages of the relationship, you want to see that person every minute of the day. You want to spend the rest of your life together FOREVER.
Did you know that it’s very unhealthy to make a person your entire life? Even if you’re in love and smitten head over heels, you can’t make that person your whole universe. You just can’t. Don’t do that.
Soon, you will realize that you don’t know yourself anymore and that you’ve lost your authentic identity.
10 warning signs you lost your authentic self in the relationship:
- Compromising your values to please your partner
- Not having your own voice and putting aside your opinions to avoid conflicts.
- Putting your partner’s needs and ignoring yours
- Not asking questions and just accepting what your partner tells you
- Cutting ties with friends and family members that disapprove of the relationship
- Not pursuing your personal goals
- Taking all the responsibilities in the relationship including all bills
- Accommodating your partner’s busy schedule and modifying your own schedule so you don’t become a “burden”
- Accepting your partner’s moody behavior to avoid arguments
- Ignoring big issues so as not to rock the boat
There are other signs. But these are just a few of the screaming signs that your authentic self is gone. Just say yes to any three of these signs and you can confirm already that you have abandoned yourself for the sake of the relationship.
Here are 10 ways to be your authentic self while in a relationship:
(1) Prioritize your relationship with yourself.
This is the foundation of all your other relationships. No other person should be more important than you. At the end of the day, you only have yourself. Remember that.
(2) Write down on a piece of paper your personal needs and try to meet them.
Even little things like, “I need to enroll in a yoga class” or “I need to spend 15 minutes a day for meditation.” Set an appointment with yourself and don’t let anyone interrupt your self-date.
(3) Spend some alone time.
No need to travel to a faraway land. If you can’t afford to go on trips, a simple walk in the park by yourself will do. You can even spend a quiet time in your favorite coffee shop. Being alone from time to time is healthy. It lets you ponder about the things you’d normally not think of when you’re with someone. Think about this, if you can’t enjoy your own company, no other person would.
(4) Be your own best friend.
Stop the self-hate. Accept your fats, warts, stretch marks, etc. and slowly do something to improve the areas that can be improved. Gradually, take small steps to improve your well-being. You don’t need a partner to feel good about yourself.
(5) Recite affirmative declarations every day.
You might find this silly but try to do it for a month and see what happens. Say, “I am beautiful, wealthy and healthy. The universe is blessing me with abundance.” Plus this is better than being a worrywart.
(6) Set powerful boundaries.
Get away from people, things, situations, and places that make you stressed and unhappy. Create a list of what you want, don’t want, and what you expect from your relationship.
(7) Build meaningful bonds and friendships.
Surround yourself with friends that understand and support your goals. Sometimes, your partner won’t respect you if he sees that you don’t have friends and that your life revolves around him. It will make your partner too powerful thinking that he’s all you have.
(8) Don’t give up on your personal dreams.
Wanna get a degree? Go ahead and enroll in a university. Wanna pursue a career as a yoga teacher? Go ahead and get a formal training. Wanna travel to Japan? Go ahead and pack your bags. Follow your heart. You can’t be just a background support for anyone. You are an individual even if you’re in a relationship.
(9) Don’t change your interests and hobbies just because.
You’re not required to enjoy knitting just because your new partner loves it. There’s nothing wrong if your partner is a big fan of NBA and you’re not. You can find other hobbies, interests or activities that you can enjoy doing together. No need to change who you are.
(10) Talk to your partner.
Tell him what your needs are. More importantly, tell him what offends you. Don’t just keep in your heart your emotions. Say, “I am offended when you forget our anniversary.” Try to use a calm tone and avoid an argumentative voice.
The bottom line is you can exist without your partner. You’re an individual. You’re not just a “better half.”
If you want to know if you’re in a healthy relationship, it is when you are able to exist without the other person. You have a strong sense of self.
You’re just staying with him because you love him. Not because you need something from him whether that be an emotional support or financial help.